Can I just say something. From the very unbiased and highly informed viewpoint of a bored student taking buses equipped with TV Mobile daily, I fear things have come to a head.
You see, when TV Mobile was first introduced, I remember that although commuters riled its very existence that prevented them from having that nice evening nap on the way home on the bus, it served its purpose well, entertaining the thousands of people who take the bus to school or work and then back home again. It promised snippets of interesting, humorous shows to liven up the otherwise dull and pathologically mundane commute. And for a while, it did exactly that. Good shows like the proverbial Just For Laughs (Jus Pour Gags?) and Switching Kitchens and some makeover show which I've forgotten the name were screened which mentally shortened the journey and made it just that bit more enjoyable.
But of late, things have changed. Instead of the easily-digestible, quirky, short and sweet shows, on have come these hour long, sluggish, uninteresting, ponderous and ultimately nail-bitingly awkward shows. Let me name a few that I've seen gestate in the past few weeks. In no order of merit (because they have none) they are: Heartlanders, First Mums, Lifeline (should have been called Flatline), some Chinese drama serial and some more god-awful English soap operas.
Lest you think I'm some Singapore-bashing redneck who lambasts every locally conceived idea at the slightest chance, I'm not. I honestly want Singapore's TV shows to shine and some of them have. Even so, these shows are pathetic. The concepts of these shows are really quite catchy but the way they are produced just leaves me staggered. I'm not any sort of actor but even so with a bit of training I sincerely believe I can do better than some of members of the cast on some shows. Some of them - if not most - have awkward line delivery. Pauses exist where there should be none and intonations are many. Very good, except that they're in the wrong places. I remember watching one girl act on Heartlanders one week back and I had to physically remove my eyes from the screen and my jaw from the floor because her acting reminded me of my primary school speech and drama audition session. It was shockingly bad. I paraphrase:
"Do YOU really beLIEVE that I will beLIEVE YOU? What KIND of a PERSON are YOU anyway. How DARE you treat my MUDDER that WAY? I cannot STAND YOU you know."
Emphasis on words has been typed in uppercase letters.
You see what I mean?
The thing is though, this rant would have sounded very convincing save for the fact that her face was more expressionless than a fossilized frog stuck in concrete and that her intonations were all over the place. I don't want to even start on her accent because it would really be unfair to her. She did try.
I know you're bored with all this writing (part of preparing for my column, see) so I shall keep it short. I don't want to mention other bad examples of acting I've watched, because I'm sure the actors and actresses are probably as bored of this as we are. But let's face it: we need to bring our acts up to speed. And while we're it, the dialogue too. God knows who are writing the scripts for these shows.
To round off, I propose a few attainable and highly realistic ways to improve Singapore's film industry:
1. Shoot the scriptwriters and hire those that do films like There Will Be Blood, or just stop outsourcing scriptwriting to India.
2. Find better shooting locations that don't include random children running around in a playground and grinning into the camera in the background
3. Pay your actors better. Money may be the root of all evil but damn it works wonders when you dangle it.
4. Hire ugly actors. People don't want to watch highly polished cast members. They want fleshy, bumbling, dopey La-Z-Boy-sized actors to spice up the screen. Must be hired intentionally.
5. Stop the crying scenes. We have enough heartache during work and school in the day and have no more need for screen tears than we do extra armpit hair.
I eagerly await my next bus ride.
You see, when TV Mobile was first introduced, I remember that although commuters riled its very existence that prevented them from having that nice evening nap on the way home on the bus, it served its purpose well, entertaining the thousands of people who take the bus to school or work and then back home again. It promised snippets of interesting, humorous shows to liven up the otherwise dull and pathologically mundane commute. And for a while, it did exactly that. Good shows like the proverbial Just For Laughs (Jus Pour Gags?) and Switching Kitchens and some makeover show which I've forgotten the name were screened which mentally shortened the journey and made it just that bit more enjoyable.
But of late, things have changed. Instead of the easily-digestible, quirky, short and sweet shows, on have come these hour long, sluggish, uninteresting, ponderous and ultimately nail-bitingly awkward shows. Let me name a few that I've seen gestate in the past few weeks. In no order of merit (because they have none) they are: Heartlanders, First Mums, Lifeline (should have been called Flatline), some Chinese drama serial and some more god-awful English soap operas.
Lest you think I'm some Singapore-bashing redneck who lambasts every locally conceived idea at the slightest chance, I'm not. I honestly want Singapore's TV shows to shine and some of them have. Even so, these shows are pathetic. The concepts of these shows are really quite catchy but the way they are produced just leaves me staggered. I'm not any sort of actor but even so with a bit of training I sincerely believe I can do better than some of members of the cast on some shows. Some of them - if not most - have awkward line delivery. Pauses exist where there should be none and intonations are many. Very good, except that they're in the wrong places. I remember watching one girl act on Heartlanders one week back and I had to physically remove my eyes from the screen and my jaw from the floor because her acting reminded me of my primary school speech and drama audition session. It was shockingly bad. I paraphrase:
"Do YOU really beLIEVE that I will beLIEVE YOU? What KIND of a PERSON are YOU anyway. How DARE you treat my MUDDER that WAY? I cannot STAND YOU you know."
Emphasis on words has been typed in uppercase letters.
You see what I mean?
The thing is though, this rant would have sounded very convincing save for the fact that her face was more expressionless than a fossilized frog stuck in concrete and that her intonations were all over the place. I don't want to even start on her accent because it would really be unfair to her. She did try.
I know you're bored with all this writing (part of preparing for my column, see) so I shall keep it short. I don't want to mention other bad examples of acting I've watched, because I'm sure the actors and actresses are probably as bored of this as we are. But let's face it: we need to bring our acts up to speed. And while we're it, the dialogue too. God knows who are writing the scripts for these shows.
To round off, I propose a few attainable and highly realistic ways to improve Singapore's film industry:
1. Shoot the scriptwriters and hire those that do films like There Will Be Blood, or just stop outsourcing scriptwriting to India.
2. Find better shooting locations that don't include random children running around in a playground and grinning into the camera in the background
3. Pay your actors better. Money may be the root of all evil but damn it works wonders when you dangle it.
4. Hire ugly actors. People don't want to watch highly polished cast members. They want fleshy, bumbling, dopey La-Z-Boy-sized actors to spice up the screen. Must be hired intentionally.
5. Stop the crying scenes. We have enough heartache during work and school in the day and have no more need for screen tears than we do extra armpit hair.
I eagerly await my next bus ride.
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