Musings

I'm a bit worried.

Today we were just discussing "The Dirty Dozen" in Human Factors class. Basically what those "Dozen" are are these 12 things that could happen to you in the workplace that might generally affect your mental state and hence your good judgment and situation awareness. We were talking about fatigue and stress. Specifically, stress that you give yourself and the fatigue that may arise from its relatives.

And I think I might genuinely have a case of fatigue and stress-related behavioral disorders. None of that shoot-em-up stuff that arises when a man cracks and begins gunning random fellas down, but rather more subtle stuff.

When people undergo stress that pushes them over some limit, they begin to exhibit changes in their behavior. In our handout today, we were shown some causes and signs of stress. Most worryingly to me were the signs listed, because I've realised that for a long while, I've been exhibiting some of them. I'm fully aware that I have changed, but I never knew how until I read this article. Some signs are:

• Errors in judgement. They occur more frequently
• Personality changes, including increased irritability
• Memory loss becomes noticeable

Well, sounds like I am suffering from some form of stress. Now for the signs of fatigue:

• Reduced attention
• Becoming less aware of performance
• Reverting to old habits
• Development of a "don't care" attitude
  

I don't fully undergo the full manifestation of these signs nor do they manifest themselves all the time but I think I do suffer from at least some form of fatigue and stress. I have noticed too that recently I have difficulty forming coherent sentences in speech. I have the ideas in my head but somehow when I open my mouth to tell someone the thoughts suddenly swirl around in a big whirlpool, disappear into the vortex and I have to pause to recollect. It does make me look kind of slow, imo, having to pause mid-sentence to collect your thoughts.

It doesn't stop there either. Recently it seems like I can't even form thoughts about discussions at all. People talk about this particular subject and seem to have so much to say on it whereas I just sit there like I'm some mannequin. I have opinions of my own, sure, and I want to voice them out but somehow I cannot think of the words I want to put them in. It's almost as if there's a massive void somewhere in my head that my thoughts have to cross, but they never make it.


I have to stop this, or I will go mad. Very soon.