My da jie just got me 13 months' subscription of Top Gear magazine, UK edition. I am shocked and stunned and ELATED into silence. It's like the big Man Himself came down from above and gave me 13 months' subscription of Top Ge -- hold on, it did happen. Jeez I can't believe it.
THANK YOU DA JIE!
Didn't go to work today. Ponned because I didn't feel like it and after bawling my eyes out yesterday I felt better and oddly enough, more in control. I think that I was really stressed for the past few days and that coupled with my newfound outlook on life (no really, I do have a new one) just made me break down. Yeah I don't mind telling you that I just had a big, unmanly cry last night. I called Joyce and Best and they were both lovely souls to hear me out. Really nice of them to do that for me.
Maybe I should elaborate on my newfound outlook on life and how I acquired it. I recently went to Amy's granddad's funeral. It's the first wake I have gone to in recent memory and when I looked at the coffin and all the elaborate ornamentation, the entirety of it all just struck me and it hit home. Hard. During the day before, we were talking about her granddad and how weak he was and how anxious she was about his health. Little did I know that later in the night she would call me while I was at work and tell me her granddad had passed away that very same day. It just hit me so hard and I felt that a sort of emotional switch had been flicked inside of me and that made me realise how fast someone's existence in the sentient world that we live in could so fast be taken away so silently. It struck me so hard to see that life could be so transient at times. One minute there and then bam, the next minute with eyes shut and into another world, out of this earthly one.
Then, yesterday, my mum came home with this huge rash covering her body. She had aches and pains all over and my dad wasted no time in rushing her down to the hospital. I called my dad from home sometime later and asked him how she was and he said that it was some kind of viral infection and that she might require hospitalisation if it came to that (thankfully it didn't). But when I put the phone down, everything - the stress over the past few days and all - came crashing over me like a giant tsunami after a huge earthquake, and I started crying. I never had felt such sadness before. I knew the worry for my mum was an almost-irrational one because I knew with a certain degree of surety that she would be okay, she'd be home in no time and I didn't have to worry myself sick. But I couldn't stop thinking: what if she's not okay? What if it's worse than what the doc said? What if something happened and I wasn't there? What if? What if? What if?
I'm changing now. With one or two exceptions, I realise that I have not been treating the people around me with the care, respect and concern that they deserve. Friends, family alike, it doesn't matter. What matters now is that I show them the compassion and concern that I have failed in giving them all this while. It is something I think that almost demands to be performed.
Because giving is always better than receiving.
1 comment:
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