Monday, July 30, 2007

Concordantly so

While waiting at the bus stop outside my house, looking in the distance, I saw a sight.

A car was coming down the road. As it approached I was drawn to its oversized headlights, and my heart immediately sank, for I immediately knew what car that was.

This.


This has got to be one of the world's ugliest cars ever. It looks like an overgrown amateur's project in (poor) automotive design. It's bubbly, bobbly, disproportional and generally looks all wrong. This is the Chrysler Sebring, a misguided product which probably should never have been produced under the DaimlerChrysler partnership. It has indeed some under a lot of stick since the latest model's inception just based on styling alone. But since it's built already, no sense in ripping it apart. But I shall.

The headlights look all wrong. In fact, they bear exactly the same resemblance a less illustrious car: the Hyundai Avante (which actually is an Elantra, just renamed). They're out of shape in accordance with the rest of the car. Taut bodylines, check. Rising beltline, check. Sharp, eagle-eyed headlamps...uhh. The dimwits at Chrysler's Design Department probably had Mickey Mouse design it.

Chrysler, Chrysler, Chrysler.
You disappoint me greatly.

But fear not. Steering apart from bubble design, here's a car which has all the right angles and proportions.


This is the latest offering from Genera Motors' Holden division - the Holden Monaro VXR8, sold in the UK as a Vauxhall Monaro VXR8 and possibly in the US as a Pontiac G8. Looking at it dead on, it's positively frightening. Looks alone, it probably could devour your dinky little Toyota. It looks - in a word - mad. The bodykit has so many slots it'd make a mailbox look positively staid in comparison. And I swear it has teeth in that big gaping air dam. The one good thing is that it's got quad exhausts. If one appears in your rearview mirror (which won't happen because Singapore isn't importing it ever. Asses.) try not to flinch.


Subjective descriptions aside, the car offers no surprises as to what lies underneath it all. It's powered by GM's fourth-generation LS2 V8 with 5967cc of displacement, spitting out a rip-roaring 411bhp with 405lb ft of torque, funneled through a six-speed manual, through a limited slip differential and out the rear wheels. That's the previous-generation BMW M5's territory, but it didn't have a bodykit as insane as this.

I personally would love to drive this car. It looks mad, has the right power and is affordable, retailing in the UK for smidge over £35k. With that money, you get 19-inch alloys, a Blaupunkt stereo/infotainment system, leather seats and a great big honking rear wing. All that for the price of a BMW 3-series in the UK.

Sadly though, such a car will never make it here because it's just too impractical for our roads - and the fact that LTA loves to hate cars like these. Frugal, Singaporeans, frugal. In a country where budget motoring abounds, the VXR8 will make a big splash on the roads if it does come, but not before COE and insurance costs blast its price through the roof and remove all premise of an affordable, 4-door sports saloon and put off potential buyers.

Sigh.

Guess I'll make do with my 109bhp Toyota Vios. :(

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