shots

Opera's doing me a disservice. I shall terminate her services immediately.


And she's an internet browser, mind you.


Well, nothing has changed from my last post. My emotions are still running around as though they had a life of their own. I'm still confused, still agitated, still emotional, still jealous. Doesn't that remind you of the Kai Yi you used to know? The one that was full of shit? Of course it does. Takes me back to the good old days when all I could see was a goddamned mess in front of my eyes. Damn near everything is a mess to me now. Social life, school life, home life, love life (a loser like me still has crushes, yes) seems to be all running haywire. Maybe I'll just jump off a building one of these days. Save me the trouble of having to go through all this shit and just end others' misery of having to deal with me. Sounds like a wonderful idea, doesn't it.


Not that I can't have fun with my remaining life. Went out with Joanne to play pool today. Realised that I wasn't that bad at pool after all. Managed to shoot some tight, neat shots, and so did she. Silly as it sounds I've never seen a female play pool before. No funny ideas there. I don't know if I was being oversensitive but the meeting seemed to lack closeness in it. There were times when I felt I was a stranger. I truly wish that isn't the case at all. Maybe we just haven't been meeting each other face to face often. Then accompanied her to Spotlight at PS after that, and bought some DVDs when we actually wanted to go to Yamaha. Jo ended up buying X-Men 3 and I Event Horizon, a film so freakily eerie and spooky I wish I had never watched it.


Came home, scared the bejesus out of myself with that unholy film, ate, went for a 1hr 15min walk with dad, and am now here typing. I don't know. My life has been awfully down lately. I'm probably having a bout of depression. Maybe I'm going to break up or break down. Maybe I'm being an asshole to people around me. Maybe I'm just that unlikeable. Maybe I'm the worst kind of friend anyone could have.


Maybe I'm right?