SCOOP: EXTRA! (warning: several scenes depicted are visually disturbing. viewer discretion is advised)

NURSERY RHYMES: THE REAL LIFE EDITION


NURSERY RHYMES YOUR MOTHER NEVER SANG TO YOU!!

(What the creators were REALLY thinking)

WHAT JACK AND JILL REALLY DID!!







little miss muffet sat on her tuffet eating curds and whey
when suddenly a giant rectum swallowed her whole and shouted FUCKING CB

humpty dumpty sat on the wall, humpty dumpty had a great fall
YER HEAR THAT KIDS? HE'S A FUCKING DUMBASS! DON'T GO SITTING ON WALLS

Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb
"Yeah we know."

georgie porgie pudding and pie, kissed the girls and made them cry
then the girls all ganged up on him and thumbtacked his testicles to the innards of a washing machine switched on

Ten green bottles, sitting on the wall
"Carlsberg. Probably the best beer in the world"

one little two little three little indians
four little five little six giant motherfucking n*****

jack be nimble jack be quick
jack go fuck the pogo stick
but he wasn't quick enough so his gonads got burnt by the candle stick. dumb bastard.

baa baa black sheep have you any wool
WTF ARE YOU RACIST?

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water
"it comes out from the tap you dumb Frenchman"
when they got up, they forgot about the pail and had sex. then jack fell broke his dick and jill bled like a motherfucker

rock a bye baby on the treetop
who the fuck puts a baby on a treetop. parents ought to be shot.

row row row your boat gently down the stream
when suddenly you lose your oars and are surrounded by cannibals in the middle of the amazon and you wet your pants. not so merry now huh bitch

















Legal disclaimer: These creations are the fictional works of Gilbert's and mine. No reference or depiction of any persons, alive or fictional is intended. We shall absolve ourselves of all responsibility for any injuries, loss of life or property or public humiliation arising from the reading of these passages. We are not in the employ of any rhyme-creation studio and therefore are not affiliated as such. Distribution of these works is free by any means, be it electronic, printed or telepathic. This creation is governed by the laws of Antarctica. Any persons found in violation of these rules shall be made to write a rhyme about themselves.